But while trying to get that all together, I don't want to miss all the other sweet details that I want to remember later. There are so many little quirks unique to her that melt me every time, and yet those will disappear or change so quickly as she grows.
I want to remember forever:
- The little panting breathing noise she makes right up by my ear as she roots for a breast when I take her back from the changing table to the living room after a nap. She did that a lot early on and less so now because now she knows my breast isn't there (though I can always check to see if she's hungry by going to kiss her mouth, because she'll always open her mouth at the touch of mine if she is and otherwise won't). But I can still hear those breaths when I carry her around and will miss it when her breathing is more regulated.
- She glowers at me when I talk to her and smile while she's nursing. The little eyebrows narrow, she pauses, and then she sucks furiously. It's hysterical. Only once, today, she started smiling herself, so hard that she lost her latch and then started cooing at me.
- When she starts to get upset, her arm tells you first. Her hand is clenched into a fist but with one pinky finger extended and she starts to crank up her whole arm. My mom calls it "the arm of doom" and knows it's time for us to end a FaceTime call when it starts flailing across the screen. In her first weeks, it sent me into a panic, knowing the wailing that was about to begin if I didn't figure out and meet her need STAT! Now it melts a piece of my heart and I can't help but smile or even tease her a little as I respond to her. "Oh the baby has a wet diaper, who could have let that happen! Oh the trauma!!" I coo as I smile and scoop her up and smother her with kisses before changing her.
- She elicits a mom-voice from me that I didn't know I had in me! The weirdest things. When she has a big poo or something, I'll say, "Oh my boodness!!" Why would I replace the "g" in goodness with a "b"? So random and odd and there is absolutely no rationale behind it. It just happened. Also I call her "the baby" all the time. "Does the baby need a bath? Let's clean that baby." "Oh the baby's so hungry! Oh let me feed that little baby!" Or when she sneezes: "God bless the baby, and all the little babies of the world!" Who is this person she's turned me into?!?
- The infant Moro (startle) reflex always happens when I lay her on the changing table. She raises both arms over her head and clenches her fists and they kind of shake with the tension in her arms, and I say "Power to the babies!!!" Every. Time.
- She has this gyrating suckle that I just adore. Her nursing goes something like this: Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Suck. Pause. Sucksucksucksucksuck suck..suck...suck. It's so fast that I can't even imitate it with my mouth. It tickles me so much, and I actually feel sad and strangely betrayed when I see her do that fast suck with a pacifier.
- Sometimes when she's nursing to sleep, she kind of sighs and raises her eyebrows and nuzzles her head back and forth. When she's fussing and is just hungry and sleepy and she finally gets the breast, her eyes roll to the back of her head and then close right as she latches. She's like a little druggie getting her fix. I can practically hear her saying, "Ohhhh yeah, Mom, that's the stuff." It's an incredible feeling to be able to have that effect on this little creature.
For the record, it took me a week to even get around to finishing THIS post. This does not bode well for my writing outlet.
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