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Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Cycle 3

Last cycle, I ovulated earlier than expected. I went in for my first check on Day 11 and was already surging and ready to go on Day 12. So this time they told me to come in on Day 10 just to be sure we don't miss it since we cut it so close last month. Day 10 was on a Sunday, so we had to drive out to the Melville office 30 minutes east, as our location isn't open on Sundays. My follicle was only 13mm (remember, 20-22 is typical at ovulation, and so far I've been at 18 the day prior to insemination) so I wasn't surprised to get the official call with my bloodwork results and instructions not to come back for another check until Tuesday.

Today, Tuesday, Day 12, I went back in and my follicle was only 16mm. Last cycle I was ovulating on Day 12, and this time I wasn't even close! The PA told me I probably wouldn't need to come back until Thursday for another check, but of course they would assess for sure after getting my bloodwork back and would call me later in the day. So I understandably figured that meant IUI Friday and/or Saturday.

Well, we've learned a couple things now, haven't we. One, that the PA tends to talk before she should, and frequently has to correct herself after speaking too soon. And two, that my body is unpredictable and does whatever the frig it wants and we can't really base much on prior cycles.

So while I had already packed my Ovidrel injection in a lunchbox to take to work so I would never be caught without it when I got the call, I had actually felt silly bringing it today, knowing I was only at 16mm and would be bringing it right back home. I did not expect the call at 1:30PM saying that I was surging and needed to come in the next day. I said, "But my follicle is only 16mm!" and the nurse said, "but you're starting to surge so you're going to ovulate. You ovulated on Day 12 last month, and tomorrow's Day 13 so it's not so unusual." Well yes, except that the PA seemed to think it was a couple days off still due to my follicle size. I wasn't second-guessing it out of nowhere! She said, "Unfortunately, we can't get you in until 9:30." I said, "9:30 is fine." She said, "Really?? No one ever thinks that's fine!"

I guess that makes sense for people who can't take off of work and want to go in at 7:00 and get to work by 9:00. It's different for me because I work in the Bronx and have to plan to take the day off or else go in super late no matter what. But it made me realize how fortunate I am to have the option to take off time with such little notice in order to make sure this happens. As much as this baby-to-be is a priority and I barely blink at having to take off the day for its creation, I also know it's a privilege that I can do so relatively easily. If I was putting my job at risk by doing this every month, I'd have to think of it differently.

When I met with the PA this morning for cycle monitoring, she gently suggested that I consider Clomid if I don't get pregnant this cycle. She suggested I schedule an appointment with Dr. K for after the next pregnancy test (which I could cancel if pregnant) to sit down and talk about side effects, etc. I said, "Isn't that the higher case rate that's $2900? I get that we may need to try something different if it doesn't work this time, but we'd have to take some time off to save up for that." She said, "No, the case rate is the same. You're just buying the Clomid which is a hundred and something." WHAT?? This whole time I have thought that anything other than a "natural" cycle cost an extra thousand. If someone had been clear about that, maybe I would have resorted to Clomid by this third cycle, but now it's too late.

At the same time, though, I'm kind of conflicted. I feel like the obvious choice is Clomid because why wouldn't I want to double or triple my chances with each $3000 we're laying down? But some part of me is just so resistant to adding in drugs. I'm very aware of the irony of fixating on "natural" considering the procedures we have to undergo to conceive, but I felt so much more comfortable with the notion of a natural cycle. I feel so grateful for having a healthy reproductive system that ovulates regularly, and stubbornly I just want to be able to put sperm in there and make it happen because I feel like it's supposed to. It's sort of like circumcision; I'm resigned to what seems like the obvious choice and the right choice for me, but emotionally and psychologically I'm struggling with it.

Here's hoping I get pregnant this month and don't need to worry about it.

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