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Sunday, May 4, 2014

Allow Me a Moment of Sappiness

Last week, I unintentionally broke down crying to my rabbi about our fertility journey. I was understandably experiencing the raw emotions of the week, which I won't discount or excuse, but I was also just coming down off of artificially elevated levels of progesterone for an artificially long stretch of time. I was very fragile, with my emotions just barely under the surface. I could hardly keep tears back at very random times. Rabbi came to check on me after our workshop last Saturday, and I just broke down. She talked to me for a full half hour about it and then invited me to come talk with her more privately the following week when I would be off of work after returning from a trip south to visit my family. Sometimes she didn't speak and just let me cry and be emotional, without her trying to rush me out of that place because it made her uncomfortable. And she also offered some beautiful and reassuring perspectives. I left feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I've now encountered enough other rabbis to realize that mine is one of a kind. She's not just great because I'm a zealous convert and "I love Judaism and RABBIS ARE AMAZING!!!" I mean I wish that were true, and there certainly are many amazing and wonderful clergy out there in the Jewish world. I've been fortunate to encounter a couple of them. But many are just...not the whole package. Maybe they are super smart but not so engaging and inspiring. Maybe they are kind but not strong leaders. Maybe they do wonderful work with their elderly congregants but are totally awkward with the little kids. Maybe they are great congregational leaders but are hard to relate to on a more personal level.

Let me tell you about my rabbi.

My rabbi was not raised with much observance and came to love and embrace her Jewish identity in young adulthood. She worked in a completely different arena for some time before hearing the call to be a rabbi. She can relate to both converts and Jews seeking more observance than they were raised with. She understands learners. She gets the excitement and the significance of discovery and rediscovery.

My rabbi can be completely at ease with the elderly who seek her out for support around phase-of-life issues. She can connect with them on a sincere level, and they have the utmost respect for her. Then she leads Tot Shabbat and is like a cast member of "The Wiggles," commanding the full wide-eyed attention of ten or fifteen toddlers as she dances and sings and gets down on her knees to act out stories or lyrics as if she were thirty years younger. The children are smitten by her, coming up to touch her and hug her and tell her stories, any stories, to have her attention.

My rabbi is the sole rabbi of a congregation of 270 families plus non-members who are regulars, and she knows everyone's name. At any congregational meeting or service or class, I have never seen her unable to call on someone by name when their hand goes up. She is perceptive and attentive. She seeks out individual people to ask how they are or to follow up on a trouble or a joy that they previously shared with her.

My rabbi always has comforting advice and guidance to offer, and it's never from a position of being higher up or more enlightened. In fact, almost everything she offers comes with a story or example from her own life where she has felt similarly vulnerable or struggles with something. She doesn't pretend to be anything less than a fallible human who is just another Jew trying to do her best and learning a lot along the way.

My rabbi is an incredible teacher. She knows how to meet her audience where they are and explain things in a way that that particular demographic (or mix of demographics) can understand. She doesn't lecture; she offers information and then engages people in discussion. She knows what questions to ask to get us thinking and talking, and she takes just as much pleasure in learning from our unique perspectives as she does in sharing her own. And she is smart as a whip! She can tease apart the driest Torah portion about the color and fabric of priestly linens and somehow make it completely relevant to our modern lives.

My rabbi is never ruffled and can speak off the top of her head without preparation whenever she needs to. She can say a beautiful blessing spontaneously, on any occasion and for any individual, and make it incredibly personal, meaningful, and beautiful. She can redirect a heated conversation or a quirky, over-the-top participant who is dominating the conversation and irritating others without being short or dismissive. She is a peacemaker and a peacekeeper.

My rabbi has a soft and quiet demeanor but is tough and fierce under the surface. She will advocate and fight for social justice, and rally others around her to join in, but does it in a gentle yet firm way that ensures she is heard and not shut down or dismissed.

My rabbi does not clock in and clock out. She goes way beyond her job description to offer comfort to her congregants and to participate in their lives (as invited) to help them live more Jewishly or to infuse more spiritual meaning into their lives. I am still in awe that she would offer to spend an entire Saturday afternoon in our home, helping us affix mezuzahs and blessing our home. And yet she is still able to create and enforce appropriate boundaries and be protective of her time with her family.

My rabbi always seems in charge but never in power. She gracefully assumes a leadership position without ever giving off the impression that she is controlling. And that's because she's not. She welcomes opinions, discourse, suggestions, disagreement. She requests it. And in the end she will make sure the right thing happens, whether or not it originated with her. She is open, receptive, democratic.

My rabbi inspires curiosity about our traditions and a thirst for knowledge. She makes people feel safe, not judged, unconditionally cared for. She makes us feel at home.

1 comment:

  1. Agreed! She is as angelic as you are describing her! I'm lucky to know and love both of you.

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