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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Thawing Out

I've been oddly numb to the idea of starting this process again. I haven't felt the crazy excitement nor the nervous anxiety that I felt the first time around. I was able to go on about my life and wait pretty patiently from the first day of my cycle to Day 11 when I was told to come back in for monitoring. It has felt more routine and less surreal. I figured this was normal, and it certainly felt self-protective and probably more realistic than my previous emotional approach, so I've let it rock. Though I missed the excitement I felt the first time around, I carefully let this be the way it was, figuring my mind knows what to do to keep me safe and not wanting to ruffle any psychological feathers.

Then today I went in for my first day of monitoring and learned it's already time to go! We were expecting to go Friday and Saturday based on my last cycle, but we're going in Wednesday and Thursday. My excitement is slowly starting to climb again, but in a containable way. I think it helps to know what to expect and to be better prepared for the real possibility of disappointment. But I'm still starting to get pretty excited.

But let me back up a minute.

I got into my old familiar position in the stirrups and was grateful to see that it was the physician's assistant who would be doing the sonogram. I've gotten very comfortable with her since she has done all but the first sonogram of the first cycle (which was done by Dr. K). It's nice to feel like people have an investment in you, that they are getting to know you and are excited for you and rooting for you.

So the PA did the sonogram and, after raving about how wonderful my lining looks, said, "It looks like you have a small cyst on your right ovary. It's small and shouldn't be a problem...unless it affects your hormone levels, in which case you wouldn't be able to start this cycle. Wait, what cycle day is this?" I tried to speak over my heart that was in my throat and said, "Day 11." She said, "Ohhhh, okay, I don't know why I was thinking it was only Day 6. That's not a cyst, it's a mature follicle. It's already 18mm." GEEZ, woman, can you think a little longer before you speak?? This happened the time she thought the follicle had shrunk a millimeter last cycle, and I had the same momentary freak-out where in ten seconds my mind went through a hundred questions and possible scenarios and implications. Why would I even be in there for a sonogram if it was only Day 6? And she had confirmed what day I was on when I first came in. But no harm done, and the surprising news was that I was already at 18mm on Day 11. Last time I was at 17mm on Day 12. So for some reason my body was moving much more quickly this time! She gave me a prescription for Ovidrel (the ovulation trigger injection) which I dropped off at a Bronx pharmacy so I could pick it up from work the next day and have it on me for whenever I received the call.

When I hadn't gotten a call by 2:10, knowing the office closes around 2:30, I gave them a call. The receptionist had to pull the PA out of a meeting about me. The PA got on the phone and said, "We are consulting with Dr. B about your case right now. You may need to come in tomorrow. I'll call you back in two minutes." As a clinical social worker, it was a really strange feeling to know I was the subject of someone else's case conference! The PA called back in less than a minute and said I was surging and needed to come in at 9:30 the next day for insemination. In an excited panic, I said, "But the injection won't arrive until tomorrow!" She said she had a connection somewhere that keeps it on hand, could deliver it today, and would only cost $60 instead of the $80 I paid last time. I assume there is a good reason that they didn't use this place last time??

I rushed in a vacation slip to my supervisor (who I've kept in the loop so she has been very supportive and flexible about all my appointments) and then left work so I could get home and take the injection as soon as possible. I was home by 4:30 but the pharmacist called and said there was traffic and she couldn't get it to me before 6:30. She asked when I needed to take it, and I said, "several hours ago!" so she said she would deliver it herself on the way home from work to get it to me more quickly than it would with the courier who had a list of deliveries to make. She pulled up outside my house and sent her pre-teen son up to the door to give it to me. Now THAT'S service!

And for $20 cheaper than the last prescription, it came with much more than just an injection in a cold package. This is what I got:



That is a tote bag which had in it the freezy envelope with the syringe on the left, a sharps container for the used needle, alcohol swabs, gauze, bandages, and Yogi tangerine tea for relaxation and mood. A BOX OF TEA. I didn't even get alcohol swabs last time and had to ask for some at the clinic! This setup made the money feel worth it.

So I'm all injected and ready to go. Excited but not out-of-my-mind Christmas-Eve-as-a-kid excited. I'm taking the day off, but Nicole is going to work afterward. I may go to a movie to relax, since that's something I love that Nicole doesn't enjoy doing. And it will be what it will be.

Here we go!

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