Seeking: Short Nerdy Jew (with strong swimmers)

I came home two nights ago to Nicole looking at sperm donor profiles online. Yes, that’s right. She took initiative on this.

Nicole has been a few steps behind me in eagerness for this undertaking, hence my needing this blog as an outlet for my anticipation. But recently she has started to catch up, and it continues to take me by pleased surprise. We have casually played around with names for several months now, and she recently suggested that we may be in a position to start trying to get pregnant at the end of the year. I gently reminded her that if we want to start trying in December, we need to start planning several months beforehand. I left it at that, as I find it better to plant a seed and then walk away and let it ruminate and grow for a bit. (This is how I got on the path to conversion with her alongside me in renewed Jewish observance!) This way she can work it out in her own mind and decide at her own pace, without coercion or pressure.

So a few days later, I came home to see her on her laptop in the kitchen. Not an unusual sight. I had come home late from work so she had already eaten. I got my plate and joined her at the table, assuming she was playing her favorite online game. And suddenly she said, “This one has a French Canadian parent!” I said, “This who?” She said, “This donor.” Wait, WHAT??

We spent the next half hour perusing the list that got much shorter once I insisted she screen for Jewish heritage first. She has said in the past that she doesn’t want her child to have her “Jewish features” and wants them to have my blue eyes. Well, they can have a fair shot at that, but only as much as they would if the two of us could create a child together. I want our child to share as many like traits from the two of us as is possible. I don’t want to screen for desired qualities that aren’t true to her. And as I said to her, for me “Jewish features” – whatever that may be! – is what is desirable to me. I adore everything about my wife, even that which makes her cringe, and I would love nothing more than to see even some of that in our child. I have no inclination to try to create a child that looks just like me.

So this is the beginning of our sperm search. Because she was already in a good place with all of this, exhibiting curiosity and interest, I also gently broached the topic of an initial consultation at a fertility clinic, which we should do in the fall if we want to start trying in December. She didn’t balk at that or panic, which was a really good sign.

Maybe this blog will finally be about our path to pregnancy!