Divided We Fall

I read an interesting article the other day about Hebrew Union College possibly not admitting rabbinical students who are in interfaith marriages. The article was by a Reform rabbi in a same-sex marriage. The debate in the comments was fascinating, and while the author had originally made a very convincing case, the resulting conversation showed me both sides of it and now I don't know WHAT I feel!

But what struck me most in the comments was the openly hostile attitude from many Orthodox Jews toward Reforms. There were soooo many commenters who just dismissed the author entirely and wouldn't even engage in a conversation around this because she is Reform and because HUC isn't "valid" anyway. The remarks weren't just dismissive or condescending - they were angry and disgusted, with the interfaith marriage bit being just a detail on the side. There were people saying that it doesn't matter what this author does since she isn't really a rabbi. Others said it was silly that the HUC would worry about anything since there are no standards as it is for ordaining rabbis. Others said since this rabbi is part of a movement that completely dismisses and undermines the Torah anyway, it isn't surprising that she would take this stance.

The attitudes were just devastating to me. Is it a surprise to me that many Orthodox Jews do not see liberal Judaism as valid? Not at all. Reform rabbis are duty-bound to inform candidates for conversion that their conversion will most likely not be seen as valid in the Orthodox sect, and my rabbi let me know this from the get-go. It was mildly irritating in an eye-rolling way, but not something that affected my decision. I see it in my Orthodox colleague's lack of recognition of me as a Jew - no congratulations upon my conversion, no "Chag Sameach" at holidays we both share in, nothing. I feel it, and I have to let it roll off me the same as someone who is anti-gay chatting merrily with me until something related to home life comes up, when they suddenly nod and smile and look away as they try to find a way to wriggle out of what seems to me like normal conversation.

Now that I know more about the other denominations, I think I could just as happily have converted to Reconstructionist or Conservative Judaism (equally dismissed by Orthodox), but never, ever Orthodox. If my only option in Judaism was a strict, literal interpretation of the Torah and accepting institutionalized sexism, I couldn't have gotten on board. There is a reason so many Jews broke off from this. But to think that so many Jews, our own brothers and sisters (though they may not see US that way), dismiss us as Jews is hurtful. I wanted to yell back at some of the commenters as they talked about not taking the Torah seriously - I dare them to sit in ONE service or Torah study with my rabbi and not feel the absolutely infectious love and respect she has for Torah.

I think what frustrates me is that I don't have a negative view of Orthodox Jews. I respect them for their discipline in following Torah the way they feel is right. I am grateful to them for being fruitful and multiplying, since Reforms aren't quite as good at that and tend to have smaller families. I can allow them room to be a little skeptical or disagree with how liberal Jews of all denominations interpret Jewish law. But why the hatred? What good does it serve any of us to dismiss, look down upon, and express anger and disgust toward one another? And for what, when we are all just trying to follow our hearts and our God and live good, holy lives? I can't imagine using up any of my energy on directing hatred toward my kinsfolk. There is so much to be grateful for, and so much to do in the world, and that's where my focus is. If another Jew isn't hurting anyone, I'm really not worried about what she's doing or how she's practicing. I guess it's just hard for me to understand, and it is certainly disappointing.